what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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