someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
