If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
love makes seman taste better
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
