my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
