remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
