Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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