You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
