Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
