i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
