I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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