for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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