I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
