Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
