Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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