That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
