Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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