I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
nutella sex= disaster
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
