it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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