I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize