you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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