so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
