just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
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So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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