who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
