And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
