That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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