There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
