I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is the high leading the old right now
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
