So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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