My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need a beard to bite.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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