you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
