Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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