i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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