goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
