You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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