You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have demons in me.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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