Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
