Rock
Scissors
Fuck
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
