can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
