youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
soo... how was my night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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