the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
