You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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