like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
