I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
