if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
