toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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