Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
