What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
