u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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