Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
