dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
