My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
