I am puke
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
