and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
