pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
accomplished twins. life is a go
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
