my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
