it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
