don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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