Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
