once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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