omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
