btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Send help, water and tortillas.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
