I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
