We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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