You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
