she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
