Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
