I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
