i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
