in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That was an excessively violent trivia night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
