A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
