Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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