oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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