I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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