and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
