If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
