Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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