I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
