I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
