um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
