Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
